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Give me the gift of Patience!

Sometimes the end of a relationship comes out of the blue.  Sometimes it has been brewing for a long time and one person didn’t see it coming.  Sometimes a relationship has been in pain for years but neither party saw the end coming.

However it comes about the final realisation invariably causes shock and massive emotion on one or both sides. That can lead to a tremendous wish to get the job done, crack on with it, get the unpleasantness out of the way.

Whilst that is a perfectly understandable reaction in fact for the vast majority of people a better eventual outcome is reached with patience – and probably more patience than was ever required during the relationship.  That is simply because whilst one or both are committed to a relationship it is easy to see the benefit of patience so easier to find the resources. When there is a wish to get on with life and put the present situation behind you it is less easy to be patient.

However the fastest solution isn’t always the best.  It can take time to identify properly all of the issues that need to be attended to.  It can certainly take time to get both parties to a sensible rational thinking space and it can take time to obtain values of the various assets especially pension funds.

It is worth remembering that this is a one-off situation.  There is no second opportunity.  It makes sense to slow down, obtain all of the facts, obtain the necessary advice and take all of the necessary factors into consideration when making the choices that need to be made.  We all know that is simply common sense especially when the decisions involve our children, property and will affect the rest of our lives.

Patience is the key.

Ian Stirzaker


Ian is the Senior Partner and Head of Family Law at SME Solicitors. Please contact him or Joanna Gardner for specialist help and advice in all aspects of family law at or

Added: 08 Jun 2017 09:11

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